It’s been so damn long since I had a man that made me feel like I’m a woman. I prayed most of my adult life for a man like him…I’ve asked God to shield me from the pain of my past, and heal me so I’ll be at my best when he sends him my way.
And I been at my best this past year-everything ain’t been so easy, the struggle is still real, but I’ve learned how to love myself more. I never really knew how to do that before. I needed to learn this before his divine arrival; editing myself like a photoshop, in the frame of self love proclamations.
I cried, screamed, threw things, isolated myself from friends and tv. I discovered who I am, and challenged myself to dig deeper. I prayed and called out my blessings. Humbly. I accepted the silence. My beauty wasn’t the most important, nor were my accolades at universities. I didn’t care to shave my legs. I had to save myself from drowning in this misogynistic, self hating society we call home. A knowledge of self I had to explore…being black first, than a woman. And not a lady. Cus fuck that shit. 🙄
I rejected all other ideologies and became my own woman. For me first, then for him. Because with him, I don’t have to hide my words, he wants to hear what I have to say. He tries to understand me, support me, encourage me. Instead of objectifying me as a piece of pussy he opens me up like a book on the first day of school. He studies me, and educates me until I understood who he is too. Yet I understood who he was on that first date. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Monday, when we first got that Italian food. (I know I have good taste by the way). 😍
I find that I get to know myself more through him. I come to him bare and he covers me, and comforts me, but not just for physical company. It’s my soul and my spirit, protects it like it’s his own. Like it’s your home. You respect it like it’s his own.
So is he coming from God or the devil? Cus I know how he hears them prayers too. I asked God to remove you from my life if this wasn’t his doing. I can’t take another fling of heartlessness. Of my vulnerability being abused of my love being reckless of my faith being tested of my truth being stretched, to capacity. 😅
They say when it’s real you know it, and if you don’t know it, it ain’t real. And I don’t know if I know, or if I don’t know, how would I know don’t? So I asked God to send me a sign to show me if you were the one he sent. But my first thought is that I don’t need a sign, my gut tells me its fate.
My head in the clouds but I’m still grounded. Feet touching the soil but I’m still flying…Ughh I am so happy right now. 🥰
Never mind…they get me every time. Turns out he has a baby on the way. 🤦🏾♀️
False alarm…moving right along…🤷🏾♀️