Get The Steppin’! 5 Ways to Get Out of Your Own Way
1.) Stop Hating Yourself
It’s not even that you hate yourself, you just don’t love yourself enough. You rather someone else love you. Or what you think love means. You rather focus on a relationship or a career instead of nurturing your own personal growth. It’s not that you hate yourself, you just hide parts of you…so you don’t have to deal with them. You don’t hate yourself, you just accept whatever you can get, just so you can say you have it.
It’s hard to love yourself like you do a man because it’s easier to look for validation through someone else, than yourself. We hold our past actions tightly against ourselves, like a mother holding a newborn baby, fresh out the womb. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made in the past, let the guilt of things go. Let your mistakes, and flaws go. Let all the disappointments go.
Love yourself like you love these men; forever forgiving, and unconditionally.
You don’t love yourself enough so you’re not the person you’re supposed to be. Your not living up to the potential, or purpose that God gave you. You have to live in your candid truth, and find reasons why you love you.Find reasons to love your own flaws. Make a list of things you love about yourself. Make it all about you, for once. Add to the list as much as possible. Every day, loving yourself more should be a goal. Instead of bashing another woman for her mistakes, or commenting on The Shaderoom, you need to take time to reflect on your past experiences, understand how they have shaped you, for better or for worse, and heal those things that need healing.
List ten qualities that you love about yourself. Like right now. Seriously, stop reading this post and make the list.
If you can’t list ten things that you love about yourself than you really need to take the right steps to determine what you need to do to love yourself more. Is it because you forgot why you’re so special, or have you ever realized your divine powers? Doing some soul searching, on some Iyanla Save My Life shit may help. Go talk to someone you trust, or find healthy ways to heal from whatever you need to in order for you to understand how vital loving yourself is. Go to a friend, a psychologist, a family member, etc.
Right now, as we speak I’m growing through the process of loving me more. And honestly, self-reflection and being honest have been the most beneficial tools through this stage. Reflection is performed daily, and please don’t get this confused with dwelling on an issue. Self-reflection is retrospective. Maintaining empathy so you can understand from other’s perspective, how you could have been toxic in their lives. It also includes looking back to understand why you behave the way you do, and assessing this to see if that’s something that needs to be changed to have a more successful, peaceful future. Being in tune with who you are, and assessing if your actions were natural to who you are is self-reflection. I always ask myself if I could have done something differently, to have reached a better outcome. I listen to my true self. Those inner thoughts that we turn off when we want to make a choice we know ain’t good, that voice is our inner self, it should guide us, and we should feel it in our loins.
If you can’t be honest with yourself about who you are, there is no way you will benefit from self-reflection. Honesty includes understanding your part in all situations that you are and have been placed in. It includes acknowledging when you were wrong, or being jealous, or made a mistake. I shouldn’t call this a stage because that implies one goes through a process momentarily. I want this forever. I always want to have this…this skill of finding ways to love myself more every day. Even on those super down days, those days when I ponder the point of it all, those days where I feel like staying in bed all day, and giving up.
Through all the b.s life throws, always see to it that you love yourself enough.
Self-talk is a catalyst to a successful life. Would you still be friends with someone who tells you that you’re ugly, or not smart enough, or don’t deserve love?
What would you do?
One thing is for sure, you wouldn’t like them, and you would cut them off from your life. But, what do you do when you speak to yourself this way? It looks like you may need to cut your negative thoughts off too. Cancel that woman inside of you that tells you you’re not enough, or you don’t deserve, or you can’t.
Talk about yourself positively to yourself. Positive self-talk builds your self-confidence and esteem. And those two factors will get you far in all areas of life. Always tell yourself you can do it. You are enough. You are beautiful.
Don’t put a time stamp on it either. “Oh well, after I lose twenty pounds then I’ll be good enough”,
“Once I get these bundles in than I’ll-” Cut that shit out. Look at who you are in the present moment, not who you were, or who you are going to be. Who are you now? What can you do now? Are you proud of who you are?
Make a list of things that you tell yourself daily. Think about your thoughts when you wake up in the morning, or when somebody presents an opportunity to you that you quickly turn down.
If you think negative thoughts i.e. I’m ugly, nobody is ever going to love me, I deserve this, well…that’s what the universe will give you, and it will continue to reassure those negative ideas about yourself. If you talk about yourself positively than the universe will support that too.
Change those thoughts into positivity as soon as you hear them come in your mind.
So instead of saying, “I’m dumb, I’m never going to pass this test. I don’t know what the teacher be talking about half the time.” Instead, change that to, “I know I’m intelligent. I just need to work harder, study more, and get a tutor.” I know it may sound corny to some, but if you don’t talk yourself up, who will?
And if you just can’t be positive about a flaw or aspect of yourself, then CHANGE it!
Change things that you don’t like about yourself. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging areas of growth. But you should never have those drowning thoughts about what your worth is or the little that you’re capable of accomplishing. If you feel like you should go back to school and get a degree or you want to change careers, than do it! If you want to lose weight stop complaining about it, and turning down trips to Miami because you don’t feel comfortable in a bathing suit. Go to the gym, and change your diet.
It may seem impossible, and overwhelming, but don’t let that deter you. Take small steps towards whatever you want to change about yourself. GOAL SETTING is a great way to alter whatever it is you feel you need to. I always set goals for myself. For me, it puts me in a direction, or a flow of things. When I recognize a flaw, or something that I want to improve on, or even a new skill I want to acquire, I take the initiative, the steps on changing. It’s hard to change, and it’s simple at the same time. It involves having the constant mindfulness of the goal at which you want to achieve.
3. Be Humble (Bit** sit down!)
By all means, you should be proud of yourself, and know your worth. But don’t think you’re on a pedestal. Don’t be the type to boost yourself up by rubbing your job title in someone’s face, or think that your above others because you graduated college. Don’t get this confused with not being confident, because your confidence and good qualities will shine through, without you having to name them to people. Once you start having to name them, then you’re changing the game to conceit. It’s either that, or you’re surrounding yourself with people who don’t see your worth. In that case, you should cut these individuals out of your life.
All earthly possessions, relationships, or societal statuses can be taken away from you, in a blink of an eye. Everything besides your mind, and education. Beauty is relative, and can be altered. You may have graduated from that university you love to brag about, yet you’re still working at the group home because you can’t find a job in your field. You may have got that dream job, that one you always wanted, and it turns out that you hate it. You’re new Mercedes? It could be totaled in an accident.
Long story short: Be Humble, Be Grateful, Be Confident
4. Stop worrying about other people’s bidness
Everybody likes to gossip. I think it’s normal to spill the tea with friends. But if it distracts you to the point that you can’t perform your job duties or you can’t get ahead in life, that’s when it becomes an issue. It becomes an issue once negativity is part of your personal composition. It shows. People can see when you are in turmoil, living through others mistakes burns the flame out of your own passion. Lighthearted gossip is one thing, but having friendships where the only thing that is shared is someone else’s business, is sure to have you stagnant in your own life.
It’s easier to criticize someone else’s life choices than to be candid and analyze our own. Talking about how someone else left their boyfriend and is now engaged to a woman is good tea, right? It’s better than thinking about how you hate your boyfriend, and are unhappy in your relationship but are too comfortable to leave and be happy.
It’s easier to pinpoint bad aspects of someone else’s relationship because you can’t pinpoint the reason why you’ve been single and haven’t figured out any of your inner issues. I could go on and on but you get the point. (I hope)
5. Step out of your comfort zone.
My life was boring at one point. All I did was go to work, go to school, and be a mom. I didn’t go out and I hadn’t experienced too much as a woman. I was just existing. I wasn’t trying new things, seeing new places, meeting different people, hearing new languages and experiencing new culture. Nada.
I hadn’t noticed how boxed up I was until I was getting to know a guy I met and he asked me, “What kind of shit you into?” I was stumped. Besides career aspirations, I really didn’t know. It was embarrassing, but a wake-up call that I needed to see more and figure out what I like.
I did things that I always wanted to do, and things I never thought I would ever do. Every experience wasn’t a good one, but I needed to experience the good and the bad for personal growth alone. It’s good to do things that scare us, make our heart beat fast. Do all the things we keep putting off for whatever reason.
A lot of us women get caught up in doing for others. Besides providing for our families we don’t have a clue of what we like, what our talents are, what about hobbies? What are we interested in? It’s very important to discover these things, so we can really step into who we are. Despite what other people think, we must participate in more activities that make us happy. Because we are what creates and holds families together, it is important that we are whole. And finding out these covert aspects of ourselves is important to that process. The process of wholeness.
We are all in this together ladies. I am no different than you. We have to build each other up, while building ourselves up.
What you thinkin’ sis? Let me know! @NyqueBrown
#GetTheSteppin #AWomansWorld #NyqueSpeaks #LoveYaself #Queenin