Become Interested in Yourself.
Being in a Relationship is Not a Badge of Honor.
Today I wanted to address something that I see in all ages and races of women. I feel as women we have identity issues. Well, that’s an understatement. I mean an identity issue particularly when it comes to being in a relationship…Ok, let me just say it: WE BE TOO HYPED ABOUT HAVING A MAN OR A GIRLFRIEND, JUST BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP PERIOD.
You know what I mean right? Like do you ever have a friend whose conversations ALWAYS, somehow revert back to their significant other in some way, shape, or form? It’s as if they don’t have anything to talk about if it doesn’t pertain to their boo. Well if this doesn’t ring a bell you may be that person. Or maybe you just have a really wise support network. Either way this identity issue transcends, race, ethnicity, religion, body type and age. It seems to me that women use being in a relationship as a badge of honor, an indicator of our self-worth. Where do these ideas come from that are so embedded in us? That, regardless of personal success in a career or some other nature, women are only truly deemed successful when they are in a relationship.
I don’t have the solution for this issue but I do think there are things we could do to change.
The first thing we can do is to get interested in ourselves more. We need to find out who we are, and not just superficially or sexually (even though that too) but actually take the time to explore ourselves. What do you believe in? What kinds of things are you interested in? What are some hobbies of yours? What are your dreams, and aspirations? What is your ten year plan? Five year? Three year? One year? What steps are you taking to make sure you reach your goals? What organizations, issues or policies are you passionate about? We have to assess what we have in our lives that would be the same if me and ________ were to break up.
Another aspect that we should put more focus on is our education and career prospects. Instead of investing solely in a relationship or another, we need to put most of that energy into making a future. Building that resume is what we should concentrate on instead of pouring endless amounts of energy into building relationships that stand on faulty foundations from the beginning. And why it is unsteady? Because we haven’t developed that sense of self yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a lover, a hopeless romantic, all that good stuff. So let me be clear: I’m not saying don’t fall in love or don’t talk about your new love interest to your girls. Nothing like that. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t have our man or woman be our biggest accomplishment or the only thing we have knowledge about, or an opinion on. A relationship shouldn’t be our entire identity. It should complement who we are, add to it, upgrade it even, but it shouldn’t be the entire thing.
I just think a person should always have a life outside of being someone’s girlfriend or wife or babymom, etc.
Do you see this as an issue in yourself or others, or am I just tripping? What are your thoughts? Have you ever been in a relationship where you lost your identity? I know I have….more about that in another post.