Why You Always Lyin?? How To Avoid The B.S. In Dating
Why do we always try to impress a dude we just met? Why do men act like they are so interested in us, do the most to get our attention, and then ignore us?
So let me tell you what I know. Men know that we love to talk about ourselves. They know we want to feel supported, appreciated. Loved, and all that. They use this to their advantage by acting like they’re getting to know us. Through this façade they are able to discover our insecurities, and issues. It’s really simple to do this because we tell them everything they need to know. Regardless if its willingly, or covertly.
Stay with me.
Let’s just say on the first date a man who you were attracted to took you somewhere impressive, treated you like he has some sense, paid attention and complimented you. In return you told him all about yourself trying to impress him. He knows what college you went to, where you work at, who gets on your nerves at work. He knows what your ex did to break your heart, and how you’re such the victim because there is no way that you could do anything wrong. Now he knows he can massage that heartache by complimenting you, which in turn boosts your ego. Dude knows he’s in there and all he has to do now is tell you some bullshit about how special you are and he can hit it at least once.
Instead of having the mindset of auditioning to become someone’s girlfriend, its time for us to be the interviewers. Asking questions should be our new best friends. And not just any old weirdo questions, but questions that are meaningful. Questions that over a course of time will give us an outline of the CHARACTER of the man we are dating. According to author G.L. Lambert, we shouldn’t be asking questions like “Where do you see yourself in five years?”. That’s young girl shit. Ask him questions that are related to him but don’t directly include him or questions that will lead to deeper conversations. Example: “When is the last time you heard something in church that resonated with you?” instead of, “When is the last time you went to church?” (Example from G.L. Lambert loc 3947). Ask questions about his job/career. Don’t base his success, career, or ambition on his car, or credit card status. Three key things you should know is what he does specifically at work, how long he has been in that field/job title, and where it is taking him.
We are aware that a lot of men lie, or lead us on. But it’s so easy to do this because we don’t ask follow up questions. Regardless if we’re discussing topics through text or in person, we should always build up on previous responses. Men who are liars hesitate, they have to remember the bullshit they originally told you.
Please don’t go on your next date super tight lipped and acting impersonal. Keep in mind it is cool to have conversations where you share certain aspects of yourself but by no means should you spill all the beans on the first date, or on the buildup on the first date (talking on the phone, texting, Facetiming, etc).
A lot of what I am saying is from dating stories I heard, my own dating experience, and my favorite read right now called “Men Don’t Love Women Like You”, by G. L. Lambert. This author is the writer on the BlackGirlsAreEasy Blog. I suggest you check him out, he speaks to the soul. CLICK HERE FOR BOOK. CLICK HERE FOR BLOG.
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