Four Ways to Get Out of Your Own Way

Four Ways to Get Out of Your Own Way

when you’re feeling stuck…

1.) Stop Hating Yourself 

It’s not even that you hate yourself, you just don’t love yourself enough. You rather someone else love you. Or what you think love meant at the time. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made in the past, let the guilt of things go. Love yourself like you love these men; forgiving, and unconditional. 

You don’t love yourself enough so you’re not the person you’re supposed to be. You have to live in your candid truth, and find reasons why you love you. Make a list of things you love about yourself. Make it all about you, for once. Add to the list as much as possible. Everyday, loving yourself more should be a goal. 

If you can’t list ten things that you love about yourself than you really need to do some soul searching, on some Iyanla Save My Life stuff foreal. Go talk to someone you trust. Go online to chat rooms and websites that can help you find healthy ways to heal from whatever you need to in order for you to understand how vital loving yourself is. Go to a friend, a psychologist, a family member, etc. 

Right now, as we speak I’m growing through the process of loving me more. And honestly, self reflection and being honest with myself have been the most beneficial through this stage. Reflection is performed daily. Don’t get this confused with dwelling on an issue. Self- reflection is looking retrospectively. Having empathy so you can understand from other’s perspective. Being in tune with who you are, and assessing if your actions were natural to who you are. Those inner thoughts that we turn off when we want to make a choice we know isn’t good, that voice is our inner self, it should guide us, and we should feel it in our loins.   I shouldn’t say a stage because that implies I’ll be out of it one day. I never want to wish that on myself again. I always want to have this…this skill of finding ways to love myself everyday. Even on those super down days, those days when I ponder the point of it all, those days where I feel like staying in bed all day, and give up. Through all the b.s life throws, always see to it that you love yourself enough. 

Self talk is a catalyst to a successful life. Would you still be friends with someone who tells you that you’re ugly, or not smart enough, or don’t deserve love? What would you do? One thing is for sure, you wouldn’t like them, and you would cut them off from your life. Well hunny, looks like you need to cut your negative thoughts off. Cancel that woman inside of you that tells you you’re not enough, or you don’t deserve, or you can’t. 

Talk about yourself positively, to yourself. Positive self talk builds your self confidence and esteem. You can do it! You are enough. You are beautiful. 

Don’t put a time stamp on it. “Oh well, after I lose twenty pounds then I’ll be good enough”, “Once I get these bundles in than I’ll-” Cut that shit out. Look at who you are in the present moment, not who you were, or who you are going to be. Who are you now? 

Make a list of things that you tell yourself daily. Think about your thoughts when you wake up in the morning, or when somebody presents an opportunity to you that you quickly turn down. 


  1. Who would ever want to fuck with me? 

If you think negative thoughts ie, I’m ugly, nobody is ever going to love me, I deserve this, than that’s what the universe will give you, and will continue to reassure those negative ideas about yourself. If you talk about yourself positively 

Change things that you don’t like about yourself. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging areas of growth. If you feel like you should go back to school and get a degree or to change careers. Do it! If you want to lose weight stop complaining about it, and go to the gym. 

It’s hard to change. But it’s not impossible. Take small steps towards whatever you want to change about yourself. GOAL SETTING is a great way to alter whatever it is you feel you need to. I always set goals for myself. For me, it puts me in a direction, or a flow of things. I recognize a flaw or just something that I want to improve at and take the initiative. Change involves having the constant mindfulness of the goal at which you want to achieve. This a universal theme, meaning it can be applied to any area of life. 

2.) Be Humble

By all means you should be proud of yourself, and know your worth. But don’t think you’re on a pedestal. Don’t be the type to boost yourself up by rubbing your job title in someone’s face, or think that your above others because you graduated college. Don’t get this confused with not being confident, because your confidence and good qualities will shine through, without you having to name them to people. Once you start having to name them then your changing the game to conceit or you’re surrounding yourself with people who don’t see your worth. In that case, you should cut these individuals out of your life. 

Things can be taken away from you, in a blink of an eye. Everything besides your mind, and education. Beauty is relative and can be changed through an accident. You may have graduated yet you’re still working at the group home you been working at because you can’t find a job. You may have got that dream job, that you always wanted, and it turns that you hated it. You’re new Mercedes? It could be totaled in an accident. 

Long story short: Be Humble, Be Grateful, Be Confident 

3.) Stop worrying about other people’s bidness 

Everybody likes gossip. I think it’s normal to spill the tea with friends. But if it distracts you to the point that you can’t perform your job duties or you can’t get ahead in life, that’s when it’s an issue. It becomes an issue once negativity is part of your personal composition. It shows. People can see when you are in turmoil, living through others mistakes burns the flame out of your own passion. 

Lighthearted gossip is one thing, but having friendships where the only thing that is shared is someone else’s business, is sure to have you stagnant in your own life. 

It’s easier to criticize someone else’s life choices than to be candid and analyze our own. Talking about how someone else left their boyfriend and is now engaged to a woman is good tea, right? It’s better than thinking about how you hate your boyfriend, and are unhappy in your relationship but are too comfortable to leave and be happy. 

It’s easier to pinpoint bad aspects of someone else’s relationship but you can’t pinpoint the reason why you’ve been single and haven’t figured out any of your inner issues. I could go on and on but you get the point. 

4.) Step out of your comfort zone. 

My life was boring at one point. All I did was go to work, go to school, and be a mom. I didn’t go out and I hadn’t experienced too much. I was just existing. I wasn’t going out, trying new things, seeing new places, meeting different people, hearing new languages and culture. 

I hadn’t noticed how boxed up I was until I was getting to know a guy I met and he asked me, “What kind of shit you into?” I was stumped. I really didn’t know. It was embarrassing, but a wake up call that I needed to see more and figure out what I like. 

A lot of us women get caught up in doing for others that besides providing for our families we don’t have a clue of what we like, we are our talents, what do we really like to do? What are we interested in? It’s very important to discover these things, so we can really step into who we are. Despite what other people think we must do more things that make us happy. Because we are what creates and holds families together, it is important that we are whole. And finding out these covert aspects of ourselves is important to that process. The process of wholeness. 

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