Scrolling up and down my social media today I can’t help but to see numerous posts from other lonely young ladies, bashing Valentine’s Day and the couples celebrating it. Status updates expressing that one should show the person they love 365 days of Valentine’s Day. Really? These same individuals are the ones that post hella relationship advice from a relationship from three years ago or a three year long fucked up, unhealthy relationship. Relax ma! Let the love birds have their moment.
Now back to you, and why you don’t have someone to calm your lonely ass down on a day like this.
1. You messin with a dude that don’t want you.
Let me explain, don’t get all defensive on me now. We have all been there as women. You crush over a guy that you’re so attracted to, and try to hold him to the same rules as the other fuckboys. Like you don’t call them first, respond to texts immediately, or you wait until the fourth time you see him to let him finger you, you know shit like that. But when you get around them you just laugh and smile, that dopey Oh-I’m-So-Attracted-To-You-I-Can’t-Believe-You-Want-Me-I-Don’t-Know-What-To-Say-Smile. This is boring, and doesn’t show him who you are or even how you’re different from every other girl that doesn’t have enough self-confidence.
This may not be the situation you are in though. You may have been dealing with someone for a while that is always playing games with you, does everything a boyfriend should do, but won’t commit to you. He doesn’t want you either.
Don’t get me wrong. He may send you a couple of texts throughout the day or week, buy you take out, and fuck you as if you were the last female on the universe, but he doesn’t want you to be his girl. He wants to have sex with you. He does the minimum of what is expected to stay cool with you so you can be one of the options he fucks. You are a boost to his ego; something to do when there is nothing to do. He doesn’t want you how you want him. Cut it off.
Bottom Line: If you’re fucking him and spending time your valuable time with him and your feeling unwanted and lonely on V-Day, Cut it off boo.
2. You holding on to that ex.
Another reason why you’re lonely is because you’re holding on to your past relationships. You and your ex-boyfriend or babydad broke up awhile ago, yet he is still in your messages asking to get back, or vice versa. If he is not doing anything to change his behavior than leave his tired ass alone and find someone better. If you are still stuck on your ex and you meet someone new you will never give that person a fair chance at being your man because half of your focus is getting back with your ex. If it’s not focused on getting back with your ex, you will be focused on dealing with the emotional turmoil from the rollercoaster you and your ex have created. Don’t be Ms. Messy Boots.
So let’s say you’re not messing with your ex, but you continue to harbor feelings of past disappointments and resentments. This is counterproductive. For one if you dwell on the past then you won’t even have the capacity to get to know others, and let someone in to get to know you. Secondly, if you think everyone is like your ex, then everyone will be like him because you holding on to that energy will attract others with that same frequency. You don’t want that. It’s hard to the let the next person in if you’re so willing to cut him off for any action that reminds you of your ex and when he cheated on you. That’s the way you sabotage possible relationships.
3. One-Sided Dating with expectations that are too high.
Ok, so you’re not dealing with your ex and you cut off all those dudes that were playing games and didn’t value you. Now you are on all of the latest dating apps like Tinder and SoulSwipe but still no dice. Its Valentine’s Day and you’re by yourself. Why? What did you do wrong? Well for one there is more to dating besides laying on the couch, listening to Pandora and swiping left or right. Girl, get your ass out the house, throw on some clothes that hug your body in the right ways. Whatever you wear, make sure you feel sexy and confident in it. It shows. Call some friends and go to a bar or restaurant for happy hour. Let them hype you up and go up to the cutest guy in there and introduce yourself. Whatever you do you need to get out of your comfort zone and try new things and approaches to meeting people. It doesn’t really matter where you go, as long as you are out and open to meeting new people.
Not only that, but let people in that are trying to get to know you. That RBF (Resting Bitch Face) may be cute for making jokes on the gram but in real life it is unattractive and unapproachable. But let’s say a couple men get passed the blank face and ask for your number. When they show interest by texting you, you don’t know how to keep a conversation going so you send one word responses like he’s bothering you, or you act too busy to even acknowledge a text. Nobody is that busy. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you think you are, aint nobody got time for that!
When dating you should also date multiple men with the purpose of discerning who is the best applicant for the job. And just because you met the perfect guy on Tuesday does not mean that you can’t go out on Wednesday with that man you’re friend set you up with. Relax chile! Also keep in mind that every dude you meet is not required to see your vagina (unless that’s what you want to do), and every dude you date will not be the one to marry you. Stop overthinking and worrying about how your name will sound with his last name, and live in the moment. Start to enjoy yourself.
My mom used to tell me everything is a process. This is the same idea when dating people. Get to know others, and by doing this in return you learn more about yourself. When you learn things about yourself and change that’s called growth, and that’s one of the perks of the dating process. Let others enjoy your time. Others who will appreciate your time, and are worthy. Now I don’t mean to begin dating the snaggle tooth gas attendant who always compliments you (unless that’s your thing), but start becoming more open to new experiences from those you least expect.
4. You let men take advantage of you.
Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee you a beautifully, romantic, stress-free Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re single or in a long term relationship you could be lonely on V-Day because you let men take advantage of you. You soft. You allow men to do whatever they want and treat you any kind of way. When he fucks up you may hit him with the silent treatment, become passive-aggressive in interactions with him, but in the end you and that dude both know all he has to do to get back in your good graces is fuck you like he about to turn himself in, give you some insincere apology, and poof. Like magic he’s back like he never left.
You may be allowing someone to take advantage of you, and you don’t even realize it. For instance, you may be dealing with someone that continues to disrespect you by texting and DMing other chicks. You have caught him numerous times, even have evidence from some screenshots. So now you confront him by snapping on him, making a big commotion, and writing a Facebook post so your friends can ask you what’s wrong. Mind you, your friends like everyone else knows who you’re talking about and most likely the gest of what he did. Well anyway you tell your friend about the most recent break up and how you’re tired of him. This is the final straw you tell her. Blah Blah. Both of you make plans to go out so some other dudes can shower you with attention, only to cancel those plans two hours before because he came by and y’all had a “talk”. Which really means he pacified and fucked you. News Flash: You are being taken advantage of!
5. You don’t value yourself enough.
Last Valentine’s Day didn’t go as expected for you, and you vowed that you would have a different outcome next year. Well next year is here and it’s still the same results. Why? Because over the past year you treated yourself the same way. This year you wanted a man to take you out to eat, but when’s the last time you took yourself out to eat? You want a man to treat you to a massage, mani, and pedi at the spa, but is that something that you have ever done for yourself? If you saw more value in yourself, then the men who date you will step up to that plate and value you the same, if not more. There’s no chance of a man not stepping up because you would never tolerate anything less. My main point is do things that make you feel good, pamper yourself, spoil yourself and next year will be drastically different!
Those are just some of the reasons why you may find yourself lonely today. Don’t worry, this comes from a place of love; I am lonely too.
Do you agree or disagree with any of my reasons?
What are your thoughts?
Oh yeah, Happy Valentine’s Day!!
Bye for now.
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