Advice Time: Lovers & Friends Pt. 1

My bestfriend “messed” with my ex-boyfriend, what should I do?
This is a question that one of my students asked me last week, and I thought other ladies could relate so I decided to share my insight.

Situations like this are uber complicated! So we have two friends, my student who is Brianna and her current best friend Asia. Asia messed with Brianna’s ex-boyfriend, after they were already broken up but before Asia and Brianna were friends. {Mess can be dated, kissed, had sex with, etc.} In a nutshell they both were with the same guy but at different times. Asia found out months after their lil’ rendezvous but never said anything to Brianna about it.

In this particular situation I think you should still be friends with her IF you don’t have any feelings for your ex. I’m not referring to the “Oh-I’ll-always-love-him-but-I’m-not-in-love-with-him” kind of feelings. I mean the kind of feelings that if he called you right now you would come running, on ya Ashanti tip. So IF there aren’t any feelings there then continue to be friends with her. BUT if there are feelings there, if you feel like there is still a possibility that there could be some reconciliation then you need to dead that friendship. If you continue to be friends with her and your ex-boyfriend becomes your next boyfriend, this situation, will turn into a bigger problem. Nine times out of ten.

Now for the next part of this equation. Is Asia fake for not telling Brianna about her past with Bri’s ex?  Ehh..I don’t know..It could be simply because she didn’t want the drama, and didn’t think it was necessary to say anything. Is that fake to you??
Each situation is unique to the people involved. For example, if you have a friend that slept with your ex while you two were in the relationship, and she knew who you were, you shouldn’t be friends with her. BUT if she was getting played by ya ex and didn’t know about you then I don’t see nothing wrong with remaining friends. You see how complicated relationships and friendships can be? So it is important to evaluate, evaluate, and evaluate the particular situation in your life.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in situations like this one:
How long have I been friends with _____?

Did they sleep/hook up/date/kiss while I was in a relationship with ______? If so, did she know about me? How much did she know?

Do I even care? (Really ask yourself this a couple of don’t want to be petty now).

What kind of friendship do I have with _______?

Is there a chance (a real possibility) that I will get back with my ex?

Am I in a relationship? If so, am I happy? If not, am I happy?

How well do I know my friend?

What kind of person is my ex? Liar? Cheater? Nice Guy? Would Never Hurt a Fly?

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been in a situation like this? What would you do?
**All names were changed for privacy purposes.**

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